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When I think of
Houston, I think of the long, boring drive there. Then of the longer,
even more boring visit, and then the long, boring drive home. You know
how people tend to only remember the good side of something they've
left behind? I tend to only remember the bad things about Houston.
I always dread going, but I always have a great time while I'm there.
I went down this weekend to help move some stuff for my grandmother.
This included a mechanical bed that weighed a ton, and I swear the
only parts to hold on to were sharpened steel. 'Twas a big awkward
beast that was never intended to be moved. Then I got to move
her email and addres book from the old computer to the new one
after setting it up for her.
Saturday night was fun though. I went out with Shawn, Heather, Brian, Noah, Mike,
and a bunch of other people to go see Zarah's
band play at an art studio downtown. I forget the name, but it
was two blocks from the baseball stadium. When we walked in,
there was this 10ft x 15ft mural of Osama Bin Laden on the far
wall in the back. It was red, white and blue. I got closer to
it and realized that it was actually made of cut-up campaign
signs (like the kind you see in front yards and intersections), so that's
why it was red white and blue. Oh the irony. It got better though:
Me: "About the campaign posters, are they all-"
Art Studio Guy [interrupting]: "Republicans? Yes."
I wish I could transplant my Houston crew to Austin. Maybe the
conversations would get boring if I got to hang out with them
more, (there I go only remembering the best parts) but
I always leave Houston wishing I brought a tape recorder with me.
So I'm talking to Noah about the new Alamo Drafthouse
(at West Oaks Mall of all godforsaken places) and he
says he backed out of going to see The Hulk with special
guest Lou Ferrigno because Jim 'Mattress Mac' McIngvale
was going to be there too. That would be like Elvis meeting
Nixon, or, I don't know what. The mere thought of it sends
destabilizing ripples through the space-time continuum.
Noah's justification for not going was that Mack made one
of his early-80's "Just Say No to Drugs" appearances at Noah's
junior high school, and then acted like a complete dick on
his way out after he was done. (If you've ever seen
his commercials then you know he acts like a total
cokehead, even if he doesn't do drugs.)
Noah then wrapped up the conversation with a brilliant observation:
Mattress Mack is the real life story of The Jerk.
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